Welcome to answers from an apostolic faith.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, One God. Amen.
In the previous video, if you have been following along with us, we have discussed this understanding of what it means to be able to submit, by looking at the context of what happened in the fall of humanity. We took the time to be able to understand what the impacts of sin were when they entered into our daily lives and specifically how it turned the relationship between Adam and Eve upside down. Our focus right now will be for us to be able to take a step back and try to understand what it means for us in today’s ceremony of matrimony to use the word submission.
For us to be able to understand this, I want us to first and foremost read from the readings of the Epistle to the Ephesians by St. Paul in chapter 5. Now in chapter 5, these are the exact same readings that we would typically read in the sacrament of matrimony that is in the rites of the Coptic Orthodox Church. St. Paul says something very interesting. In Ephesians, chapter 5, verse 21, when he is speaking, he says:
“ 21 Submitting to one another in the fear of God.” (Ephesians 5:21)
Now interestingly enough, many of us have the misconception that the commandment of submission is only given to the woman, which is absolutely false because again, if we turn to the readings of St. Paul, he says it very clearly:
“ 21 Submitting to one another in the fear of God”. (Ephesians 5:21)
Now this is highlighted even more when we pay attention to the wording that is found within the sacrament of the crowning ceremony of the Coptic Orthodox Church when we give the commandment to the newlywed couple. What does the priest say to them? In the liturgical text, it reads the following:
“So you should know each other’s rights and submit yourselves to one another, and let each of you be faithful to the other according to our teacher Paul the Apostle who says:
'' 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his body, but the wife does.'' (1 Corinthians 7:4)
Here we see how it is that the Church properly understands what it means for us to be able to offer ourselves to each other. Now clearly, what we see here is a reciprocity. We do not see a notion of authority where one is greater than the other, but rather two people who are united in God who come to each other and offer themselves to one another; they submit to one another out of love, out of humility, and ultimately, because of the fact that they were united and they were now fulfilling this image of God in their relationship.
What does it mean to say that in a relationship between husband and wife that we are called to live out an image of God? For us to understand this, I want us to turn back to St. John Chrysostom, one of the Patristic Fathers of the Orthodox Church. I want us to pay attention specifically to what it is that he says when he tries to describe this beauty and this mystery that is found in the mystery of marriage. Look at what he says; St. John says the following:
“When a husband and wife are united in marriage, they no longer seem like something [that is] earthly, but rather like the image of God Himself”. (St. John Chrysostom)
Now this means to you and me that if we are to live out a proper Christian marriage, when we are called to the mystery of matrimony when a husband and wife are united, that when people see this beautiful union, they are to see something that reflects the image of God, in other words, they are to see something godly. What does this say about the roles that we have within marriage? Are we then to say that the role that is given to man is the same that is given to woman? Well, clearly not! We have seen this both in the previous video and we have discussed this briefly also in the first part of this video. But what it means to you and me is that we are to properly understand who we are called to be in marriage and not necessarily spend any time trying to reflect on the notion of what we ought to do.
Now you see, my beloved, what I'm saying by this is that it's important for us to be able to realize that marriage is a calling where our identity is called to be something that is reflective of God and it is not necessarily a series of tasks that we ought to do. So therefore, let us ask the question: who are we called to be?
Let's first start with the man. It is very clear in St. Paul’s teaching that the man is called to be like Christ, so let us ask the question: what then did Christ do for his bride, the Church? What we see first and foremost is that Christ came and took on flesh and He submitted Himself entirely to the will of the Father. He was in complete obedience, even up until the point of death. But not only did He submit Himself in obedience to the Father, but He also poured Himself out, a notion of submission to His bride, who was the Church. Now we know that in this very specific story, that when Christ poured himself out to the Church, the Church, despite the fact that at that time, the people of God were not ready to receive His word, they abused Him and they crucified Him and yet, out of absolute love, He was willing to look past that sacrifice and be the perfect bridegroom. Therefore, every man who is called to this mystery of matrimony has to understand: he is called to be like Christ in perfect submission to God and also being willing to submit himself to his bride, no matter her weaknesses, no
matter her flaws, but out of love and out of humility, be willing to put on a crown of thorns and offer himself, just like Christ did, out of love.
Now we have seen how the man is called to be like Christ and reflect that image of God in himself. Let us now turn to the woman. Let us ask our daughters and our sisters who are called to the mystery of matrimony to also ask themselves: how am I to reflect this image in my life? Well, what we have seen is the bridegroom, who is Christ, coming down and offering himself as a sacrifice and demonstrating a tremendous amount of love to his bride, which is the Church. Now therefore, if a woman is called to be like the Church, she also must be able to recognize the godliness and the Christ's likeness in her husband; to be able to see in him a person who is willing to love and to sacrifice and to submit himself in pouring himself out for the sake of his family and his bride. Therefore, when a woman is called to submit, she submits because she sees the beauty that is found in her husband; she submits because she also, like the Church, wants to elevate all that she loves to a level where she can offer it up to God. Now what we see also in the Church is this idea that she gathers together all of her children and raises them up to be godly; that she offers herself not only as one who gathers the believers but she holds together the home. Now this is the Church that we believe in; a Church that is the bride of the perfect bridegroom.
What we see here are two different roles: one of Christ and one of the Church. But we should never attempt to compare and contrast and raise them up to a level where we try to make one greater than the other. The husband is called to be like Christ because he offers a sacrifice and the wife is called to be like the Church who nourishes and cherishes that love and raises ultimately a household to a level of godliness.
My beloved, to try to wrap this up, I want to read to you from the homily of St. John Chrysostom who finalizes this entire concept by portraying this beauty that is found in marriage in his beautiful sermon on marriage. We read together from St. John Chrysostom. He says:
“There is no influence more powerful than the bond of love, especially for husband and wife. A servant can be taught submission through fear; but even he, if provoked too much, will soon seek his escape. But one’s partner for life, the mother of one’s children, the source of one’s every joy, should never be fettered with fears and threats, but with love and [with] patience. What kind of marriage can there be when the wife is afraid of her husband? [or] What sort of satisfaction could a husband himself have, if he lives with his wife as if she were a slave and not with a woman by her own free will? Suffer anything for her sake, [he says to husbands], but never disgrace her, for Christ never did this with the Church [who we know is His bride].” (St. John Chrysostom, Homily on Marriage)
So my beloved, we conclude by attempting to understand once again: my submission is to the person that I have been united to out of love and in attempting to fulfill that image of God
that should be portrayed as a light in the world. Every husband called to be like Christ and every wife called to be like the Church.
Remember, my beloved: Know your faith, live your faith, and teach your faith. And to God be the glory now and forever and unto the ages of all ages. Amen.