All too often we hear about God calling people to get married and helping those people find the right person. We also speak of the holy vocation of monasticism. But what about those who aren't called to either of those two paths? What about the celibate person who lives a righteous and Christian life with and for Christ while not marrying or living in a monastic community? What about those people? Let's tackle this subject together.
Welcome to answers from an apostolic faith.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, One God. Amen.
What does Christianity have to say about celibacy? Are the unmarried also blessed by God? And if they do not marry, is the only option of life monasticism? These are all and really important questions that demand an answer. And while the subject of vocations and lifestyles are of immense importance, we must also acknowledge that it is also a very sensitive subject; a sensitive subject that requires for us to address it lovingly from the eyes of Christ our Lord, and not from the norms and standards oftentimes forced on us by cultural norms. Let me clarify what I mean here.
In many cultures, for instance, marriage and family life are important values that people often elevate and even force onto others. We see all too often parents teaching their children indirectly, and sometimes even plainly, that they must get married and have children, as this, to them, is the default expectation. Then those same children carry the heavy burden of doing everything in their power to force on themselves relationships, because apparently this is what is expected of them. I'm hoping you will all agree with me that that's not acceptable.
What if that person doesn't get married? Are the parents to make their child feel less acceptable in their eyes? Are they now a disappointment? It is one thing to say we'd love to see you have a family of your own and entirely a different thing to suggest that if you don't get married, then there is something wrong with you. God forbid that this is what we see in our Christian homes and our Christian communities!
We often forget that marriage was not the only path that the Lord put forward. We fail to realize how some people are indeed called to marriage and others called to celibacy. Many of the apostles, many holy men and women, monastics and non-monastics alike, are great examples of how the Lord can both bless and utilize those wonderful people for the glory of His name. Even Christ our Lord is the perfect example of a celibate man who consecrated Himself to the will of His good Father.
So first off and before we move any further, the stigma often propagated about the unmarried has to end. Both the married and the celibate are blessed by God. And both can be called to holiness when living a faithful Christian life.
Now that we cleared that up, does this mean that all celibates must choose the path of monasticism? No, not necessarily. While the monastic pursuit is indeed honourable in our Orthodox tradition, it is not the only means of consecration. There are faithful men and women who are not monastics and they serve their local communities, their family members and their friends with an overwhelming sense of love and selflessness.
So, while these persons are not formally consecrated by the laying on of hands in the Church, they can and many have consecrated their hearts and their lives to Jesus Christ our Lord. In so doing, they look at Christ as the bridegroom of their soul and choose to live a life worthy of His blessing. St. Paul makes mention of this same sort of lifestyle when writing to the Corinthians in his first Epistle, chapter 7. He says:
'' 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.'' (1 Corinthians 7:7)
We see that he is speaking here of his life of celibacy and dedication to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. He goes on to clarify that it isn't for everyone when speaking of the differing gifts. St. Paul is not degrading marriage, but he's clearly saying that the life of celibacy is also a blessed vocation for those who can withstand it, as it does in... indeed come with its own set of struggles, just like marriage comes with its own unique challenges.
Now, the life of celibacy might not always be chosen per se. While some do choose it as a personal desire, some find themselves having to face it, because of numerous life circumstances. And again, this is not any indication of a lack of blessing nor is it necessarily an indication of a person's own faults or failures.
Now, please, don't get me wrong. There are some who, because of sinful ways of living and because of many poor choices, bear the burden of being forced to live a life alone. These are not the persons I'm referring to in this statement. Those that we are speaking about are those who, of no fault of their own, now live the celibate life. And as they progress in life unmarried, they also, like those who choose celibacy, can offer themselves to Christ as a bride to the loving bridegroom and embrace the calling of personal consecration in ways that the married cannot. And this life of celibacy can be incredibly fulfilling as well as be received as a beautiful offering to the Lord Himself.
Even our Lord Jesus Christ, in the Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter 19, makes a statement that many pass by quickly, not realizing the depth of what it is that we read. When speaking about marriage to the people, the Lord explains that it is a bond that cannot be broken for just any reason. The disciples then, once realizing the standard that the married person must live up
to, say in passing it is not good to marry, suggesting that it would be better not to marry than to marry and find yourself having committed grave sin, but the Lord replies in two ways that we ought to consider.
He begins by saying: All men cannot receive this saying, clearly pointing to the fact that not all men can live a celibate life, and therefore, will have to marry, indicating that both are indeed acceptable vocations. Jesus Christ, our Lord, then goes on to, immediately after, speak of three kinds of eunuchs: some are eunuchs by birth, others by force, and finally, some eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven, He says. Now before we move forward, it's imperative that we define what we mean by eunuch.
The first and most common understanding is a person who has been castrated for whatever reason. However, a deeper look into this passage demonstrates that the Lord, here, was not speaking strictly of those who have been castrated, but is speaking of celibates in light of the discussion He just had on marriage. His reference to eunuchs here is to point to those who abstain from marriage: the celibate. And the third type of eunuchs that He references are those who are celibate for the sake of the kingdom. The Lord finishes the statement by saying: He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
Why is this even important? Well, it's because, to those who live a celibate life, whether chosen at first or not, you have the option of living your life for the sake of the kingdom. You can choose to receive it, as the Lord says, in a way where your life is a beacon of light allowing Christ's love and mercy and justice to work in and through you.
A perfect example of this can be found in the life of St. Macarius the Great. The story says that an angel of the Lord appeared to St. Macarius and told him about two women who live in the city who have attained a higher level of spiritual perfection than him. And after having found the two women and asking for their story, St. Macarius says the following:
''In truth, the Lord seeks neither virgins nor married women, and neither monks nor laymen, but values a person’s free intent, accepting it as the deed itself. He grants to everyone’s free will the grace of the Holy Spirit, which operates in an individual and directs the life of all [those] who yearn to be saved.'' (St. Macarius)
And this is precisely the point we need to understand. The Lord does not favour one social status over another. Whether married or celibate, monastic or lay person, all of these are means and paths to salvation that can be chosen. But what matters is the state of the heart. Have we freely offered our life to Christ in an attempt to be His? To those of us who offer our lives in that way, He comes, dwells within us and leads us to the path of salvation.
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